Forgive and Forget

We hear it all the time..."you have to forgive" or "forgive and forget." We hear it from the earliest of years from our parents, our teachers, our pastors...we now teach it to our children. I know that it's important to forgive; I know that's what God wants us to do; I know that forgiveness lifts a burden off of one's heart.

The problem I'm having right now, is with the whole "forget" part. I really just don't think that is possible. We can move on. We can put it behind us. But, can we really just "forget?" I guess I probably could when I was younger, and the reason to need to forgive wasn't as big. I'm sure that when I was little, one of my friends probably took my favorite toy or gave me a good smack. I'm sure that there were probably apologies, words of forgiveness, and hugs to make things better. And while I'm sure that probably went on, I don't remember any ill will from stolen toys, punches, or hair pulling, so I guess, back then, it was easy to forgive and forget.

As an adult, it just seems so much harder. As an adult, feeling hurt from someone, generally means that the someone is important enough to me to make me hurt. At least with me, I don't let many people get close enough to me to REALLY be able to hurt me. And although I still know the importance of forgiving, it's really hard to just "forget" that someone so important to me could reduce me to a quivering pile of tears, and make my heart ache so badly that I just can't function.

So, when someone says, "I'm sorry...let's try again" all I can think is "Do I really want to hurt that way again?" and "How can I forget?" We've probably all heard the saying, "Hurt me once, shame on you...hurt me twice, shame on me." That doesn't really sound like forgetting to me. I also heard it put another way..."If someone hurts you once, you are a victim. If someone hurts you twice, you are a volunteer." Well, when you put it that way, I certainly don't want to volunteer for pain, do I?

My husband says that when you forgive someone, you don't have to choose to put yourself in a position to be hurt again. You can say, "You know what? I forgive you for what you did, but you just stay over there, so it doesn't happen again." Is that truly forgiveness? It's definitely not forgetting. And how can you truly forgive someone if the wrongdoing is still hovering around?

I'm just not sure that there is a right answer, but for now, I'll just keep on thinking about it...while I tell my boys to say they're sorry, hug and make up, and forgive and forget.